“The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking you've got to have a what-the-hell attitude.” ― Julia Child

Tuesday, September 13, 2011


I was thinking the other day, probably out loud, about drinking. Specifically, alcoholic beverages. I was actually thinking about the nature of inebriation and the various stages thereof. I am sure there have been hundreds of things written about this topic before, but I have never read what I am about to say.

There comes a point after a couple of drinks when a person feels a nice buzz. You're still in control, you know what you are doing and what you are talking about but you just feel... nice. However, bitter experience has taught you that this feeling will eventually fade and you'll go back to feeling your normal, humdrum ordinary self. Now, this may be a wonderful feeling to be yourself, sober. But I doubt it. Most of us, I am sure, feel fairly dull and drab most of the time. We do not walk around all day feeling like Mr. Motivator. But I digress.

So, back to what I was saying... we're at this point where we're feeling a bit mellow, and we think how nice this feeling is, but we are all the time aware that we are not going to feel that way for long, so we drink more. This is where the problems start. If only some clever boffin could invent some device that could calculate at what speed we would need to continue drinking in order to maintain the happy feeling we have without getting silly-drunk, he'd be sitting on a goldmine. Because silly-drunk leads to stupid-drunk, slobbering drunk and eventually blind-drunk. And this is not good.

I like a drink as much as the next guy, but I hate feeling like I'm talking too loud and starting to totter. Not that I'm worried about hangovers, mind. I have never had one, I'm happy to say. Had plenty of mornings where I hadn't been drinking the night before and woken up feeling like a sack of sludge tied up with string, with no real reasonable explanation as to why.

So please, if you're out there, unemployed-science-whiz guy, invent an iPhone app that would regulate our drinking in order to maintain our pleasant buzz. I'm sure all the clubbers out there would go for it in a big way.

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