“The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking you've got to have a what-the-hell attitude.” ― Julia Child

Thursday, December 12, 2013

My Favourite Recipe - Clark Brooks

Today we have a recipe sent to me from my friend and collaborator Clark Brooks.

Mr. Big Time, signing copies of his book.

The inimitable Clark lives in Tampa, FL, and as well as his regular job as a writer for RawCharge.com, the official blog of the Tampa Bay Lightning (an NHL hockey team), he pens his own blog Ridiculously Inconsistent Trickle Of Consciousness thrice weekly, appears as a regular on the Spike On The Mic show (Mondays 7pm EST), has a book for sale , is part of another book, has numerous columns and magazine articles to his credit as well as a documentary film credit and some announcing and acting for good measure. Also, along with myself and Michael Noble, he is a member of The Unbelievables, a humorous fiction blog about three crimefighters, which also appears thrice weekly. How does he find the time? We're not sure, but we're glad he does.

This is his recipe:


Don't you hate it when somebody says, "I have a nice easy recipe for you" and it includes lines like "Be sure to braise the truffles on a Thermite-heated grill with a saffron oil extracted by a surly Egyptian with an eye patch and a scar on his left hand"? I know I do. Well, here's a seriously simple recipe; if you don't already have every ingredient on hand, you will be able to find what you need with a quick trip to one regular ol' grocery store.


• Two porkchops (I strongly recommend boneless; they're going to fall apart while cooking and you don't need to find a small bone by biting or swallowing it)
• One can or bottle of beer (See the note below about beer)
• One onion (I like the Spanish ones)
• One packet of dry onion soup mix (You probably have at least one packet of this laying around; every home in America does)
• One can of mushrooms (optional; I know some people don't dig mushrooms. Leave them out if you want. I like them though, so I will leave them in, thank you.)
• One crockpot (This doesn't work if you don't have a crockpot. If you don't have a crockpot, what is wrong with you? Stop what you're doing right now and go get one. Not just for this recipe, just to have one. Seriously, they're so awesome it isn't even funny.) 


1.Cut up the onion into big pieces
2.Open the can of mushrooms (unless you didn't get any because you don't like them. See note above)
3.Open the beer (don't drink it, you lush)
4.Dump everything into the crockpot (you did open the packet of onion soup mix and poured it in, didn't you? I shouldn't have had to tell you that)
5.Set the crockpot on low, put the lid on and let it do it's thing for seven or eight hours. They'll be done before that but with anything you cook in a crockpot, the longer you let it cook, the better it is.
Serve with noodles, rice or potatoes. You won't get a thick gravy but the residual juice with the onions and mushrooms is really good over starchy food.


There are about a million articles written by know-it-alls on the internet about how to cook with beer. Most of them are probably valid because since when are know-it-alls wrong about anything? Still, don't feel like you have to read all or any of them. Just pick a beer you like or that's cheap or whatever you want. You're just looking to add some flavor to make the pork chops "pop". Seriously, whatever you have is fine. If you serve this to some beer snob who doesn't like your preference, kick them out and let them fight alley cats for empty tuna fish cans. In fact, don't even invite them over in the first place because those people tend to be a drag, whether beer is involved or not.

Thanks, Clark! that sounds delish, and since I do have a crock pot, is one I am definitely going to try.

If you would like to see your favourite recipe printed here in glorious Jeff-O-Text™ on the ol' blog, then send it to me via my Facebook page or my email  jeffie2k@gmail.com with any pictures or back story to go with it, along with a short bio, and I'll get it up here asap.

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